Posted on August 23 2018
Fun story! I met my husband at the Taj Mahal. India holds a dear place in my heart. I’ve lived there on and off for half of my adult life and right now we are waiting for a date from India that will be the green light to buy our tickets to go pick up our son.
A few months ago, this part of the process was taking 10-14 days. All the adoptions just ahead of us were full steam ahead.
We and a few other families have been in limbo... or purgatory since June 26th.
What we thought would take 2 weeks has now taken 6, with no end in sight.
Every morning it gets more painful because it is one more summer day that Ian is missing out on. One more day of summer that I didn’t ever let myself imagine him missing out on. I really thought we’d be traveling in July.
And you know what stings... every time someone sees us and says, “wait, aren’t you supposed to be in India? Why haven’t you picked up your son?”... as if we have had a choice and decided to postpone. I know everyone is just interested and excited. But if you think it’s weird that I’m not bringing it up... it’s because I will unravel if I let it take center in my life right now.
The adoption agency advised us... keep busy, this is the hardest part.
Every once and a while I feel like guilty... am I a bad mom for focusing on other things?
So I start to compensate.
I start decorating his room, ordering him things he will need, diving into forums online to try to get a better handle on what’s going on. And I start to go to a very low place.
All that to say, if you’ve run into me and have wondered why I didn’t bring it up.... it’s painful. I feel like a failure as a mom every day that he has to wait, and I know that’s not right so I do my best to keep busy.
It’s very hard to explain but I hope this is helpful.